I know I am not the only one out there that has gone through extended periods of time that sucked incredibly hard. I have had multiple times in my life that have been that way and the last 6 months of my life haven't been great, and in times like these my focus turns to the things in my life that are causing it to suck and that is all I can see. It's times like this that I have to remember other difficult times in my life because I know how they have turned out, and I know that I have learned something from each and everyone of them and I am better off for having gone through it, sometimes it takes years for me to come to that conclusion but I have come to that conclusion every single time.
Trying to remember back to five years ago and how I was feeling is difficult to do, I was in a different place in my career, my marriage, my social life, everything. I was in my mid 20's, my wife and I were eating dinner out or at a bar three or four nights a week, our biggest responsibility outside of our jobs was a new puppy. Life was good and were were getting ready to try to make life better starting a family. I expected to make the decision to have children, have fun between the sheets a few times and then 9 months would pass and we would have our little bundle of joy but boy was I wrong.
When the decision was made for us to start trying to have a family neither one of us knew just how long of a journey it would be. The first few months went by and the thought never crossed my mind that we could be in it for the long haul, I thought it was like fishing and we just weren't holding our mouths right. A few months after that and my wife starts thinking something is wrong, that we need to seek professional help to make this happen, so we started to do just that. Month after month we were seeing doctors, trying new medications, there were lots of needles, lots of bodily fluids being exchanged through sterile means, and lots of disappointments, until finally we got good news, we were having a baby boy.
It is hard for me to remember back to those times and truly remember how much it really sucked, about the numerous times where I came home and my wife was bawling crying. I may or may not have known the specific details of what she was crying about but I knew the gist of it immediately. The feeling of helplessness, of not being able to change any of it, it seemed as if our actions and our prayers were meaningless because nothing we wanted to happen was happening. It affected every part of our lives, we tried not to let it but it did, but here and now it is so difficult to remember those emotions. At the time I am sure I felt like I could never forget how I felt through those days, months, and years but I have forgotten unless I really take the time to reflect on it.
The reason that it is difficult for me to recall those emotions is because the result of it all meets at the front door every night with a smile, that turns the worst of days into the best of days. Because while those 2.5 years of trying to get pregnant were extremely difficult, and tested my will and my wife's will on a daily basis, our little boy is totally worth every single bit of it.
That gives me comfort as I go through this difficult point in my life, and if you are going through or when you go through a difficult time in your life I hope it gives you comfort. We don't know what the end result will be but I bet at some point you will look back at the difficult times in your life and it will all have been totally worth it.
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